9-11: My Story (2006)

September 11, 2001 attacks in New York City: V...

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Originally posted at deviantArt:, September 11, 2006

A new reflection post will be published for the upcoming 10-year anniversary of that tragic day.

DARK MATTER

Dark Matter: Those subjects which people just dont want to hear about. It’s about deep thinking and deeper feelings and meanings. But its also about strength and dignity in adversity. It comes from the heart, mind and soul… Mine.

“You can tell a trailblazer by the number of arrows in her back.”
(SeverinaSnape aka NativeMoon)

“Please fix your own lie before you start attacking Mine. Thank you very much.” (Matt Nathanson)

“Don’t think, feel. It is like a finger pointing a way to the Moon. Don’t concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory.” (Bruce Lee, Enter the Dragon)

Listening to: It’s Been A While – Stain’d
Watching: 9-11 Jules & Gedeon Naudet

I’ve taken the day off work today.

I refuse to ‘put on the act’ and ‘play the game’ – not today of all days.

I’m watching the documentary of documentaries about 9/11 by the Naudet Brothers. I know that firehouse a little bit – I used to go to the Kinko’s Copies across the street from it on occasion. It’s really strange to think about the streets I used to walk down and to know what’s happened and everything that people went through. How many times I walked past that firehouse and just didn’t give it a second thought…

Once again I need to speak…

Some of you know that I was working at the WTC as a freelance Graphic Designer and Marketing Specialist before I got the right to remain in the UK as a permanent resident in April 2001. I had less than a week left on my passport allowing me to be here on the extended status as a Spouse of a British Citizen. Had it not come or had it been denied – I would have gone back to work at the WTC.

I would have been there that day, most definitely.

I lost family [very close friends] and friends that day. And I definitely do appreciate the simple things especially because of that, even when it seems that I am lashing out at life’s difficulties.

It’s funny how the Hand of Fate passes through my life.

Because I am convinced that had I not married my soon-to-be ex-husband I wouldn’t be here today. The marriage was made in Hell – the prime example of the danger that can come from not really knowing who you are dealing with.

But I do think it saved me – in a very important way that has never been lost on me despite what he put me through.

I look at the video: I see the images, hear the sounds – relive my past at the WTC and WFC and the surrounding streets…

I built my career on Wall Street and the Financial District of New York City.

A day does not pass where I don’t think about this.

I clearly remember my routine of going into the WTC every day for work. Riding into the Chambers Street/World Trade Center stop from where I lived in Brooklyn after going into exile from Manhattan. I used to pride myself on getting there early, rain or shine, to ‘ease myself into my day’. Stopping in the shops in the concourse underneath; picking up a bite to eat and cold drink or two from Pretzel Time and the newsagents… Having to have my stack of papers and magazines for lunchtime because I never took a real break (and still don’t get to – the nature of the beast that is investment banking).

There was a great news agent’s that carried a huge and impressive selection from around the world. A chunk of my salary back then was spent on reading French, Quebecoise, English and Irish publications and food. I’m an emotional eater and a voracious reader – something else that hasn’t changed…

I always – always looked up every time I walked in the WTC!

And every morning like clockwork I almost knocked a few people over because I would keep walking – and looking up. The guards I was friendly with used to ask me the same question every morning they were on when I came in – “Lisa – what the hell are you looking for??” I would give them a sheepish grin and we’d bust each others’ chops as was our way. Just a bit of fun to lighten the mood; because let me tell you their job was not easy and people could be pain. I was always determined to not be one of them, no matter how delayed I was by security checks and having to queue for an elevator.

But we were always a bit awed and dare I say it, proud, to be working there even with the frustrations of our jobs.

I always had time for the ‘guys downstairs’ and the others in the shadows. I always got on better with them than the suits in the offices; that really hasn’t changed either.

So many genuinely good souls are gone…

There but for the grace of God go I…

After all I was there the first time around; and that experience has never left me. I still have nightmares about that day… like last night.

But I’ve got Life – the most precious thing I can have, regardless of its challenges. And it really is great to be alive with all the difficulties and challenges facing us in the world. How many of us faced with the unthinkable wouldn’t give anything to not be… to know for sure that we will go on – and live.

Again, not the first time I have posted this – but it’s sorely needed at the moment I think…another form of gaining perspective.

From His Holiness – The Dalai Lama

Life really is beautiful

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The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends.. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. ” An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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I have two Harry Potter Fan Fiction Short Stories I am adding to the gallery today. Both set around the events of 9-11. Both were written September 11, 2004. Without having planned either, I sat down and out they came. It may sound strange or even twisted to have written them – but there are a lot of us out here who have.

Call it a bizarre coping mechanism or whatever you please. It just is what it is.

If you don’t fancy the idea of it then don’t read. It’s as simple as that.

But I had a lot to say about Life, Love and never having any regrets if you can help it.

REMEMBER:

If one is not part of the solution; one is part of the problem

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I will always remember

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