STORIFY: About having been homeless in London, UK

I became Homeless in early 2004.

This is what I had to say about it – again.

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Native Trailblazers Radio Show Appearance 2013.11.01

Source: “What is a Blood Quantum Nazi” – authormiafisher.blogspot.co.uk

It’s #NativeAmericanMonth  #NativeAmericanHeritageMonth & we need to talk about Anti-Black #racism & #colorism in NDN Country.

So I did along with other related issues including racism in disability activism.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/nativetrailblazers/2013/11/01/we-are-a-rainbow-of-native-american-colors

Related Articles:

@CreativeCrip #Aspergers Referral

NEWZ!!

I’ve been referred to an #‎Aspergers‬ Specialist. I will see her several times in next month!

AND: Im with a Primary Care Mental Health Team. No changing staff like the old Community Mental Health Team. This Specialist is said to be the best in my area. They will be looking  at Bipolar too instead of the Major Depression diagnosis I currently have (manic episodes are contradicting that and the 200mg Sertraline daily does nothing for them).

 IMPORTANT NOTE:

The Disability / Mental Health  Assessor said it was vitally important to look at & treat the WHOLE person rather than looking at everything piecemeal. In her opinion the reason why CBT FAILED is because no one has considered anything but Major Depression and/or me being a hypochondriac when I have other health problems that are well-documented. She also couldn’t believe that no one I’d seen so far in last 3-4 years didn’t think to ask ME what *I* thought about my disabilities / problems! She said flat-out that CBT isn’t the cure-all for everything & especially for people with complex disability & illness.

If I am an Aspie – then other health issues could be sorted out simply by addressing that – CBT won’t help me.

@CreativeCrip Test Result: Ritvo #Autism #Aspergers Diagnostic Scale-Revised #Aspie

This particular Autism / Asperger Syndrome result can be seen online HERE

Scores with a yellow background are above the test threshold values. If your total score is above the threshold it may be worth getjavascript:;ting professionally assessed.

Total score Language Social relatedness Sensory/motor Circumscribed interests
Test taken by you on 10 June 2013 207.0 19.0 104.0 48.0 36.0
Test taken by you on 31 July 2013 210.0 21.0 93.0 57.0 39.0
Your average score is 208.5 20.0 98.5 52.5 37.5
Threshold values for suspected ASD 65.0 4.0 31.0 16.0 15.0
The average score for males with ASD (368 people took this test) 140.8 11.1 69.8 33.5 26.5
The average score for females with ASD (228 people took this test) 165.0 13.1 77.7 42.5 31.7
The average score for males with suspected ASD (1591 people took this test) 146.9 11.3 75.4 32.7 27.6
The average score for females with suspected ASD (1560 people took this test) 152.0 11.5 74.0 37.1 29.4
The average score for male neurotypicals (505 people took this test) 83.8 6.6 44.7 17.2 15.2
The average score for female neurotypicals (615 people took this test) 77.1 5.2 38.9 18.9 14.1

Average scores

If you wish to find out more about this test you can read the original research paper here

Click here to take this test yourself

Click here for a list of the available tests

 

@CreativeCrip Rdos #Aspergers Test Result #Aspie

Your Aspie score: 185 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 37 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

RDOS ASPIE QUIZ_2013.07.31 (PDF)

Rdos Asperger's Test Result Graphic (http://www.rdos.net/)

Rdos Asperger’s Test Result Graphic (http://www.rdos.net/)

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thecreativecrip dotcom shafted by web host so back to WordPress dotcom

It is with regret that I am having to close down my self-hosted WordPress site thecreativecrip.com and revert to my old site which I continued to maintain at thecreativecrip.wordpress.com as a backup. Thank you to all my thecreativecrip.com readers for their support and I hope you will subscribe there. One of the perks of doing this is that it will be easy for others to share my work and re-blog through the WordPress.com platform itself.

I’ve had problems with my US-based web host, intrahost.com, for almost a year now after three years of outstanding service. It appears that the man behind the venture, Greg Kuiper, doesn’t care about his business now that he has a cushy job with popular hosting control panel techies cPanel. Paid invoices remain unprocessed yet I keep getting new ones charging me for “Parking Fees” and the same things that I’ve already paid for. At last check the total of nefarious charges was almost at $300. Domain renewals were not taken care of, which I and the few clients I had have to pay the consequences for. Help Desk tickets have gone unanswered for MONTHS. affiliate earnings remain locked in my account which I can no longer access as the intrahost.com website went offline a few weeks ago never to return. The Facebook Page has disappeared a while ago – or perhaps I was blocked from it for raising flags about web outtages that lasted more than a day with no action or notice by Intrahost. Greg is even a Facebook Friend (Ha!) – but ignores me at every turn now. No more Mister Nice Guy.

On top of all that, neither myself nor my clients are able to get the transfer codes we need to move our active domains elsewhere. My Iconic Imagery business identities and those of The Creative Crip are fortunately listed as being owned by me but I have no control over them at all now. I’m not sure what’s going on because although one domain expired, I’m not able to buy it through another registrar – as it seems to be locked with me still listed as the owner. My web hosting package obviously remains active but in my opinion it would be unwise to carry on making use of it with the owner of the servers having vanished into thin air (in a manner of speaking).

I trusted Greg Kuiper with my business and those of friends and professional connections. For just over 3 years the service was outstanding. I never saw this problem coming – and even transferred domains to Intrahost.com from a popular service I had used for years. Make no mistake, this can happen to anyone at any time and with any web host. There are a lot of one-man bands fronting as larger operations. This most definitely is the case with Intrahost.com. There are also many unscrupulous larger operations. The best anyone can do is research and think critically.

I contacted the Better Business Bureau who are effectively useless. I note that people are starting to complain to them about Intrahost.com but not getting anywhere through the BBB. Now I have to raise the issue with ICANN – and continue to let people know what happened as I try to rebuild.

On Writing and Depression: My Creative Down-swings

Jason Arnopp @JasonArnopp  (Author, scriptwriter. Doctor Who, Sarah Jane, Friday 13th) is working on a book regarding professional (Fiction) writers and Depression. He asked me to contribute. This is what I had to say…

————–

On Writing & Depression: Creative Down-swings

A well-meaning new-found long-lost relative decided to comment on my NaNoWriMo 2011 Facebook entry referring to my struggles to participate because of Major Depression: “truth is I’m strategic…” she wrote. “…the goal is achievable you have to trust yourself to make it happen.” Her sentiments are typical of the simple-minded inspiration porn that I am forced to put up with routinely. My response is always that I do what I can, when I can, but unfortunately more often than not it means struggling immensely to do not very much at all. I give myself pep talks and formulate strategies to try and be productive to no avail.

The greatest irony for me as a writer living with Depression has always been that I get my best ideas and am the most prolific when in a severe down-swing. I find that writing fiction, even Harry Potter fan fiction, is therapeutic in a way that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has never been for me. I even managed to put this into one of my stories with a fan fiction-writing protagonist who proposed that “sometimes fiction serves a purpose in enabling people to live out their fantasies, purge their own demons or perhaps set a standard for themselves. It was only when people confused fantasy with reality that there was a problem.”Self-insertion? I won’t deny it. I’ve learned an awful lot about myself and my illness through writing and making use of my own lived experience (especially post-diagnosis in 2009). This in turn informs others including those who live with it – something still sorely needed to combat the stigma of mental illness. I would also agree that I lose myself in the gloriousness of creation process. This is even more pronounced during manic cycles of insomnia. Perhaps that’s why I have so many epic tales that remain unfinished after starting them nearly a decade ago and have failed to live up to the potential I’ve been told that I have. Depression has impacted every aspect of my life for good or ill, and my interests and ambitions as a professional writer are no exception.

Lisa J. Ellwood

@CreativeCrip (Social Justice, Mental Illness, Disability)

https://thecreativecrip.wordpress.com/

@IconicImagery (Professional Writing & Communications account)

http://iconic-imagery.co.uk/

http://iconicimagery.wordpress.com/

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/598860/NativeMoon (Fan Fiction Writing)

Related Articles:

#NaNoWriMo 2011 (#disability #spoonie #mentalhealth) – #amwriting (thecreativecrip.wordpress.com

#NaNoWriMo – Day 2: Not #fitforwork or anything else… (thecreativecrip.wordpress.com

@CreativeCrip in the media: #xmasathome #nyeathome interview GRAZIA Australia (thecreativecrip.wordpress.com

Meanwhile back at the ranch… CreativeCrip 8 Months #AfterESA

Regular readers of this blog and followers of the related @CreativeCrip Twitter account might recall in February of this year I rashly pulled myself out of ESA hell in favour of being self-employed. Being honest – I knew at the time that I still wasn’t ready to make such a move. Atos phoning me at home about another WCA was the catalyst. I literally could not face having to deal with them again and was so desperate that taking myself off the merry-go-round seemed like the only thing that would bring some relief.

It’s been touch-and-go ever since, largely because of the appalling lack of support from my old GPs & CMHT Psych Team. As I’ve said before, being a Native American merely Permanently Resident in the UK is not without problems. Every inquiry and appointment turns into an immigration interview – which is not only unnecessary it is quite inappropriate. One of the things that I constantly struggle with in trying to get help is that the professionals I am meant to be dealing with don’t leave their politics and prejudices at home. It’s much the same dealing with engineers from telephone companies, supermarket delivery drivers and neighbours. Everyone has really strong opinions on immigration, benefits and disability and there is no hesitation in imparting their wisdom to me no matter how malicious and ill-informed.

I’ve had to make even more changes in the aftermath of dropping my ESA claim.

  • My finances were in such a dire state that I had to borrow money to be able to move house and secure it by paying six months up front. There is no feeling of failure quite like crying to your mother at the ripe old age of 46 and having her cash in some of her pension to bail you out.
  • Instead of the accessible ground floor flat that cost £650/mo (downgraded from another ground floor flat that was £800/mo) in Cardiff, I am now living in an old split-level miner’s cottage in the Valleys that is nowhere near being disabled-friendly. It only costs £375/mo – great for someone with very low income. Accessible bungalows and ground floor flats come at a premium I simply cannot afford having already exhausted my redundancy on paying the mortgages of other people.
  • I need to find a new GP and essentially start all over again, hoping that I’ll get the support and referrals I need to manage my complex health needs. I haven’t found the courage to actually get myself out of the house to do this – and October marks three months living here.
  • When I moved house this past July I hadn’t seen my old GPs in over a year – our relationship was *that* adversarial. I just couldn’t cope with having to deal with them again knowing that, quite frankly, they really didn’t give a shit what happened to me as reflected in their attitude every step of the way.
  • The meds I need I haven’t had for some time now so of course my mood and manner are more down than slightly down (I’ve never been an “up” person and never will be). Having said that – there is a difference between Clinical Depression and just being in a foul mood. I am at least astute enough to recognise which is which in myself., but of course not having effective treatment for the Clinical Depression doesn’t help. I had been on 200gm of Sertraline a day but hypersomnia won out. The fact is that the Clinical Depression *is* really kicking my tail in every way, shape and form.
  • It seems that I may be an undiagnosed Aspie (and the results of Simon Baron Cohen’s online test support this along with some others) – but unfortunately before anything could be explored on that basis the old CMHT changed Psychiatrists, which they did every few months it seemed. I also missed a lot of appointments because I could not make them for physical or financial reasons or both. Making appointments three months in advance was never going to work. I also begged the CMHT to allow me to have phone conferences. This was laughed at…why I don’t know.
  • I have now been on a list to see a spinal surgeon for over two years. Every time I contacted the hospital they were annoyed and told me they would get back to me. Now that I’ve moved house I will have to get a new referral.
  • I am also overdue for knee surgery and this has severely impacted my mobility. Again I will have to get a new referral thanks to the house move.
  • I am angry about my situation and who I am because of it all the time… and no matter what I try it just doesn’t subside. As I’ve said before, all I’ve ever asked for is the help and support I need to get back to having a somewhat productive life. I’m not the only one in such a predicament but it astounds me still that politicians from all three major UK parties have strong opinions about disabled people and work, yet they seem to go out of their way to make things as difficult and inhumane as possible for us. Everything from Disability Living Allowance to Access To Work to Working Tax Credits is such a nightmare to navigate and especially for anyone who is completely alone.

Some people say that I have to “fake it until it’s real” and other similar Mindfulness pearls of wisdom along admonishments to “play the game” – both of which go down like a lead-weighted balloon. Being fake just does not compute. I am who I am and what I am is tired… just so very tired of the never-ending fighting for absolutely everything in every part of my life. And I am acutely aware that for every person who might *get* what I’m saying there will be a number of detractors. That’s fine… I can only ever tell the truth – my truth. It’s the same for all of us.

So here I am carrying on doing everything that I am told to do and hoping against all reasonable hope that things will get better.

 

 

@CreativeCrip Suspension UPDATE – Funny olde world indeed

So… the third party who brought me into what is obviously a bogus situation and who couldn’t be arsed to reply to me on Friday now has this to say about my blog relating the details of my suspension:

“I dont even know why I am answering such silly nonsense.  THis just nonsense. The _____*whose ID I have temporarily forgotten) is someone I like talking to. @creativecrip is not. I blocked. “

O really?!!

That is QUITE the change from Friday where she happily tweeted my @CreativeCrip account, castigating him as an idiot and relating the woeful tale of him getting his followers to gang up on her (which others have seen, by the way thanks to searching my ID).

Funny that she’s tweeted a link to my blog calling me out – and has now protected her Twitter account!

Being a liar and a hypocrite aside, what can she possibly be afraid of?

@CreativeCrip Suspended from Twitter as of 28th Sept 2012

A few of my Twitter followers have noticed that my @CreativeCrip account has been suspended.

This was unexpected and completely without warning. I am of the opinion that this has occurred  because of malicious reporting on the part of adults who find it impossible to either block or ignore those whom they don’t like or disagree with or both. The circumstances are thus:

On 27th September someone I used to follow (but who still appeared in my timeline) said

“Depression doesn’t kill you, you do.”

I retweeted this along with my own comment that I found that assertion to be patronising and unhelpful. The following day he had a go at me – knowing that his rabid followers will immediately act upon any beef that he decides to have with other people. This is what he does – he gets his followers to go after people he doesn’t like or disagrees with.

Someone popped up and had a go at him. She doesn’t even follow me but decided to call him out (to me), saying that he and his followers had attacked her and accused her of being disablist for the observation that “disability is only one aspect of identity”. She had quite a bit to say to him in the main and kept copying me in.

Why I don’t know.

I was in middle of tweeting that she needed to keep me out of her sustained rants at him when my account was suspended.

It was *that* quick.

Mine was the only account suspended. Not hers. Not his.

Fast-forward several hours later. I tweeted the third party moaner from 1 of my 2 business accounts after the @CreativeCrip suspension & said “my @CreativeCrip acct is suspended thanks to the good Rev. In future pls keep me out of your chats w him. Thanks.” No response. She blocked me. I then looked through her timeline and saw that she was making an attempt to cosy up to him again, trying to get back in his good graces. Call me stupid, but there is no way in hell I would ever suck up to anyone who threw me under a bus and in so public and odious a way. Someone has suggested that this could be quite a clever little ploy by both parties – suffice it to say there is nothing that wouldn’t surprise me at this point especially considering who is involved. It’s not the first time something like this has happened on Twitter (or other social media platforms) and it sure won’t be the last.

It’s a funny olde world indeed.

So here I am fighting to get the suspension lifted. I have put too much hard work into @CreativeCrip to simply give up and possible start again: (1) that account has been mention in the Society Daily listings in The Guardian quite a bit and (2) my work through that account and The Broken of Britain also earned me a nod from Left Foot Forward in Nomination for most influential left-wing thinker: The disabled rights community

All are noted on my LinkedIn Profile here: uk.linkedin.com/in/iconicimagery

Needless to say – at the moment I feel like I have had enough of Social Media, and Twitter especially.